ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
