She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
