She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
