This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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