woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
