32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
