Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
