I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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