apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
