apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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