im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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