I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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