Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
