she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Found the puke drawer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
