How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
