Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
