All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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