But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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