hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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