If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
