sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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