Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
