you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
