is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
