Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
