I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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