i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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