Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
