I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
