She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
