i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
