I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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