I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
