8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
