This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
