I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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