considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
