oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
