we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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