So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
