failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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