u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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