Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
