Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
