he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
