I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
