Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
