Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
