still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
