Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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