Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
